my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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