Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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