Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
