I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
