Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
