when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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