Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
