Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
