What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
