I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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