Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
