I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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