Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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