So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
