Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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