Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
