I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
