Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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