before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
