There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You brought string cheese to the strip club
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
