I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
