oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
