my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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