She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
