Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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