I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
