i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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