Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
