your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
