I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
