Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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