she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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