mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
