OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
In other news, I just burned my penis
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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