I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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