i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
