Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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