Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
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