Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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