before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
