I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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