South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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