I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
