I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
