sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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