She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
We had sex on a dog bed..
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
