I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
