24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
