Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
