quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
