My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
lol hangovers are for mortals.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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