whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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