so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
where are you?
Hypothermia
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
