ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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