we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
