I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
